One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die. Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect. Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego.
Understanding AA Step 9
Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help. Call us or fill out our online contact form today to get started. Living amends is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery. With this option, the individual in recovery takes steps to improve their relationships and demonstrate their lifestyle change.
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How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances? Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted https://ecosoberhouse.com/ or upset by something unrelated. If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation.
Start apologizing
Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. We can also make amends by living very purposefully within the bounds of our principles. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.
Promises to do things differently
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A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity
However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps. Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for. It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful living amends acknowledgment of an offense or failure”. An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing. That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here.
- The reason I’m applying again is because I probably won’t get paid until the middle of next month.
- Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends.
- These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises.
In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most. If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of “living amends” might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it.
At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs. To discern whether to make amends, ask yourself why you’re wanting to contact the person. For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them. Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the expense of another person?
Addiction and Mental Health Resources
We don’t need to delve into the past and apologize for every birthday party we missed, every fight we picked or the years we were absent— either physically or emotionally. We believe everyone deserves access to accurate, unbiased information about mental health and addiction. That’s why we have a comprehensive set of treatment providers and don’t charge for inclusion. We do not and have never accepted fees for referring someone to a particular center.
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I can’t thank you enough for the way you continue to change my life for the better every day. I am extremely blessed, and that awareness affects my daily life as well. I am nothing if not grateful every day to wake up where I am, doing what I’m doing to keep myself sober and safe, and hopefully bring positive change to others still struggling. This is my new purpose in life moving forward, and I can’t thank you enough for the opportunity at a new start. We let emotions and/or unconscious baggage dictate our words or actions, and in the process, sometimes cause people we love, care about, or respect pain. This is a fact of life and relationship, so the question is not will this happen.